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Week #2   
11:40pm 15/01/2007
  MLK day proved hectic, as both Dukes and Market One were closed either for the day or until 3, causing Chick-Fil-A to have a massive line for 4 hours straight. This turned my 3 and a half hour shift into a 5 hour shift, which luckily doesn't bother me, considering I never worked less than 9 hours a day with few exceptions this summer.

For the last few hours, I've been doing business homework. Normally this would piss me off, but somehow, I'm not overly bothered. I did Financial Accounting crap, then management science mess, and have been reading macroeconomics for the last hour or so. I feel like I'm absorbing a lot, but damn, I wasn't this productive in any semester of college. The only work I've ever done is by compulsion. I'm slightly driven right now, but I have to work to maintain it.

On a side note, I saw Children of Men with Nhut on Friday. It was an interesting movie to say the least, and somewhat unconventional. I did find myself wondering what the world would be like if it was known that the human race would be extinct within 70 years due to a cease in population growth. Halfway in there wouldn't be enough people to maintain the infrastructure. It'd be very weird.		  
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Reflections of 2006, 2007   
01:02am 07/01/2007
 
mood: happy
I was thinking recently on New Years about how things were a year ago. On New Years last year, just 15 minutes after midnight, I stepped in a pile of dog shit while walking my dog. All I could think about at the time was how given the state of things then, that my year would be shitty like the pile I stepped in. While I had to work through some small and personally overblown issues early last year, I managed to make a comeback during the summer. Somehow, overworking myself was cathartic, and learning that I had certain capacities with people I hadn't previously realized was refreshing too. Looking back at 2006, I'm really impressed at how shitty I originally thought it'd be, and how much I really liked it in the end. I guess I'm especially happy with 2006 because I feel like I worked to earn the good I found in it, rather than waiting for it to come find me.

2007 holds many things for me. For starters, I know that I'll be the Hall Director of Bell next year. I'm definitely excited about that. Next year will be a challenge over this year, which is something I can content myself knowing. I have a small job at Chick-Fil-A, which should provide a fun leisure activity to take my mind off schoolwork. While I have a certain sense of dread, I also have a certain sense of excitement about starting my business major. I guess anything that will get me closer to taking my HTM classes seems exciting at this point. Then there is this summer. I don't know what job I'll be doing at Busch Gardens this summer, but whatever it is, I know I'll be having fun. With the new roller coaster in my area will come a new chaos and madness that I can't wait to throw myself into. It'll be interesting to see what I can fix and make more efficient during what will be the busiest season New France will ever have had.

So...the big things...RA selection (can't wait to participate in it), Chick-Fil-A kitchen work (learning their secrets), last semester as an RA in Converse (fun stuff), Busch Gardens starting in March (all those Filipinos and Thais can be very loud), and starting the HD job in the fall (my first senior year will be interesting). So, in retrospect, if stepping in dog shit at the beginning 2006 lead to many good things, then starting off good in 2007 can either mean that I'll have even more good or suffer really weird bad luck. I prefer to believe the first, and will work to see that it becomes truth.		  
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Hmmm...   
02:37am 13/11/2006
 
mood: calm
It's been awhile since I posted anything on here, though I guess that's because I've been a lot more busy lately. I used to post more frequently on here when I had more free time (like last year and earlier this semester, when I had time to spare at night). Ultimately though, I used to come on here usually to complain (look at my summer entries; not a bit of positive material to be found there). These days, I haven't much to complain about. The tired and busy days are something of a joy, if only because they keep me busy.

Anyways, I have a bit of work yet left to do tonight, and at the risk of further procrastinating it (and thus staying up way too late when I need to get up by 8), I'm going to conclude. Soon, I'm going to start writing again for my kylisfers2083 blog, but only once I feel a burning topic to write about. Well...this space has been wasted. Adios, y un buen noche a todos.		  
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Tired, wondering   
12:39am 19/09/2006
 
mood: tired
I'm back from having fun at Busch Gardens, but I already missed all the Russians, who are currently leaving these shores, most of which won't return. Though I'm saddened, I know I'll see some next year, and a bunch of interesting new ones will come next year. Zuzana, my close friend, co-worker, and now co-supervisor of two years is leaving this upcoming weekend. I'm feeling more and more each day that I have to go back this weekend, just for a day, just to say goodbye. She's not coming back next year, and I'm going to miss her, as well as all the others.

I'm tired, I'm having to deal with a stressed-out friend, and I have a bit of work to do. Also...I need sleep, but it is not soon forthcoming. Well...cheers to a new week, and a prayer for a bit of sleep.		  
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Late Night   
01:38am 04/09/2006
 
mood: amused
Dinner at the Outback with my friends was very fun and very greasy. I love cheese fries, but I know my heart rate slowed by a few beats per second for at least 3 hours. Later, Flava of Luv added hilarity to the night. The Flavlations that translated the incoherent shit that spewed forth from some of those rappers' mouths was hilarious.

And now, thanks to Michelle, I find myself addicted to Scrubs. I bought the first season on a whim, but now, there's no getting enough of this show. It's funny as hell, and clever. This sucks, because addictions to shows always mean something that I'll use as an excuse to not do work. Either way, I love this show now.		  
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Happy Days   
01:55pm 30/08/2006
 
mood: refreshed
Lately I've felt oddly driven and motivated. I flew out of the second half of this summer oddly energized and motivated. Though random issues float through my consciousness periodically, I dismiss for the worthless and overdone situations they are. Instead of looking for my problems like I spent the last few months doing, I'm instead looking for new things to accomplish and new things to do. I welcome every busy day I have, and get up loving each random thing I can thrust into my day.

I look at the future and see some not so welcoming things. The next two semesters I have that are going to be crammed with COB classes are going to be rough. I could complain, but then I figure that I shouldn't have coasted through 2 years of college anyways. A little bit of a challenge is deserved. As long as I learn something, I don't mind getting my ass kicked a bit. Maybe if I have to work for my grades, I'll actually draw some sense of accomplishment out of them.

Then there's the fifth year. I'll be a dinosaur my fifth year; antiquated, old, supposed to be gone from the JMU world, and the last of my kind. I don't look forward to a year without my close friends, but I try to look at that fifth year as an opportunity to dive into something new and uncomfortable and see what I can make from it. It also affords me more time to work my monetarily worthless job at Busch Gardens (which I love but would never do after college), and to also just study a whole hell of a lot of things.

The addition of the Hotel, Tourism and Management major (HTM) has left me feeling weird. For the first time in 2 years, my stereotypical response of "preparing for homelessness/joblessness" to questions of my job aspirations no longer holds true. Hell, it didn't hold true even before, but that's another story. I've realized over the last 4-5 months that I'm intensely driven and greatly motivated. There came a day this summer when I realized just how much I was restraining myself on a daily basis, and I've spent every day trying to drop that habit.

My summer turned around after that. I went into work, and developed an actual social life with my co-workers that extended past hours. I met tons of people, became well known, I felt normal for a change. Though I wasn't one for bragging, I dropped my normal surface attempts at humility. I took pride when it was right in what my co-workers and I achieved often times. Zuzana and I helped pull that shop out of the crap it was in my first year. By the end of the summer, I realized that I do deal well with people when I want to, that I can lead effectively, that I'm driven like I've never felt before, and that most of all, I've got fucking potential in life.

I don't know where I'll be in 5-8 years, but part of me doesn't care. I know I'll be forging whatever path I want when I decide what that path is, and the more spontaneous and hectic it is, the better.		  
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Back   
12:57am 15/08/2006
 
mood: amused
Back at JMU and...I'm already kind of bored. I love my staff and I love being back, but going from 12 hours of work a day to like 5 is a huge drop. I've had more free time in the last day than I've had in weeks...which is just weird.

And now...I'm debating becoming an HTM (Hotel and Tourism Management) major, though that might mean staying at JMU for another semester to a year. If the program is do-able though at this point, it sounds like a lot of fun. Coming out of my job this summer at Busch Gardens I realized my capacity and love of the job...so a career out of it might not be the worst thing. I'm not quitting my PHIL major though. These two will have to be combined if I do decide on HTM.		  
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Tired (of....)   
01:45am 23/06/2006
  The simultaneous love I have for my job and hate for how tired and drained I sometimes am is nerve-wracking. I generally end up with no patience for anyone after working for a few days (because I get overwhelmed from having to deal with so many people), and also stress myself out over random things whether or not my shop is well stocked or whether or not random VIP #13 is pleased with our shop. I like my hours because I like the paycheck, but in many ways this is getting taxing on my mental capacities. It might help too if I wasn't still losing weight (that I didn't really need to lose).

Anyways, work at 8:30a.m. (but I get out early between 7 and 8 at night), wedding Saturday afternoon, drive back early Sunday for more work. I'm just glad I get Tuesday off. The week of the 3rd to the 8th is going to be crazy. 30,000 people in the park all three days, with an 11p.m. close. At least we have enough people on those days. I'm exhausted already, and I still have a few days to go until I can get some rest.

Now I just need a brief vacation from myself. Here's hoping.		  
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Aaaahh.....   
02:42am 11/06/2006
 
mood: exhausted
I worked 15 hours today/yesterday (started at 9am, didn't finish until 12:30am) and get to go in at 9am to do the same again. I told my area supervisors that if it weren't for Zuzana coming back either today (Sunday) or tomorrow (Monday), I'd probably die of exhaustion. I'm still losing weight, and I'm working twice as much as I'm sleeping. Average work day equals 12 hours, average sleep time = 5.5 hours. Craziness. If I got overtime pay for my hours at Busch Gardens, I'd have a hell of a lot more money. Unfortunately for me but luckily for Busch Gardens, they have a loophole that allows them to bypass overtime laws.

I'm so glad that we're finally getting another supervisor. As much as I enjoy getting paid 8.25 an hour and then working over 100 hours per biweekly paycheck, I'm suffering physically and mentally. If I weren't currently washing my uniform I'd be passed out somewhere. I get 4 hours of sleep tonight before I get ready to go back (and deal with the fact that we have VIPs coming to the park today, like Mr. Busch). Add to my list of current pains the fact that I'm the only one in the shop that can serve alcohol (apparently they made the test this year so hard that even the American workers are failing it like crazy, whereas no internationals are passing, at ALL), which prevents me from keeping a clear train of thought.

Anyways, my eyes are blurring. I've done two days with 12-15 hours of work and less than 6 hours of sleep each night. Too much work, too much time, but too little sleep. I have to go to sleep now, or I'll never be able to survive tomorrow. Good night, and talk to you all later.		  
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Classes done   
02:28am 03/05/2006
 
mood: contemplative
After writing 23 pages total between 3 different papers in a 12 hour stretch, I found myself too tired to productively study for either of my two exams. Tha's okay though. I think I did all right on my PHIL 218 exam (hopefully a B) and I'm hoping for a decent enough grade in OT to make my final grade in that class high enough for an A (I need OT as a GPA booster for the shithole that is my Epistemology grade). Now I'm just done. My classes are done, and all I have left between now and the summer is one night of duty (the last one of the year) and checking people out. By Saturday, half of my undergrad. career in college will be done (kind of startling when you think about it).

In line with the typical oddities that normally characterize my personality, I have become overly sentimental of late. I've begun to reminisce about the beginning of the year. I remember the hall being empty, then its slow filling up over a week with the residents. In just 3 short days, this hall will be empty again. It's a weird feeling. I also remember back to how things were in general at the beginning of the year and how far they've changed. There's a certain sense of unnerving self-awareness to be had when I look at my mental state in September and compare it with my mental state now. My beliefs, views, and general worldview has endured paradigm shifts in multiple aspects. All in all, my vivid recollections of the past just make me feel weird in general, especially when they are contrasted with the present.

Anyways, the hardest part of my year is past. The checking people out and duty night is just filler between now and the summer, and do not represent any real challenge. Now is just time to hang out with my friends a little bit more before our 4 month separation during the summer, as well as get my packing done and finish a couple of last errands (like setting up my internship for next semester).

Anyways, cheers to the end of our sophomore year; 2 years done, 2 more to go. Can you believe it?		  
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New Kylisfers2083 Blog Entry (It's not as long as others)   
02:21pm 25/04/2006
 
mood: calm
Monday, April 24, 2006
Is the Debate over God Worth It?

Seriously consider this question: Is the debate over God's existence worth it? Or rephrased, is it really worth it to argue for or against God's existence? More importantly, is the debate over the nature of God worth it? Before you get offended by these questions, bear in mind that there is an important dilemma surrounding these questions.

Here is what I want to ask you all. When wars are started over basic things such as a disagreement over the nature of God and who God thinks is right, you have to ask if the debate is worth it when millions of people die for it? Realistically, I don't know how anyone with any real sense of moral integrity can value a debate about God over the lives of the people that God supposedly created. At least according to the Judeo-Christian and maybe Muslim tradition (I don't know overly much about Islam), God created man in his image. If he created people in his image, I doubt he wants people to kill each other in his name. After all, if God is benevolent and omniscient, then whether or not humans get the ideas right are irrelevant. A truly good God should only want good effort and the strongest attempt at a moral life as is possible.

Wars over religion are stupid, no matter what. Whenever one culture or religion begins to attack or fight with another one just because of differences in belief, a serious tragedy has occurred. If anything could make God cry, I think it'd be petty conflicts over differences in belief. We are all humans born forth from the same planet, no matter what religion we are. Unless you subscribe to some belief that aliens deposited humans here (which though possible is only fractionally so), we all came from the same soil, from the same life-giving earth. To kill each other over different beliefs about God and religion or even lifestyle is just stupid and tragic. If I subscribed to the anthropomorphic version of God, I would imagine him shedding tears at how his children are destroying each other.

We are too inclined to conflict, to war. Some cultures have managed to avoid excessive violent tendencies. The Hindus have existed in their own subcontinent without ever trying to expand out of it. It has survived multiple invasions and attempted cultural assimilations and has never once attempted real retribution. Only in recent years as Muslims and Christians continue to try to crush their culture and replace it with their own have there been violent retaliations. This is expected though; punch somebody enough times and they deserve to hit back. This does not mean that Hindus are perfect, but there is something to be learned from them. They happily assimilate other religious beliefs into their cultural system, while other religions reject everything they have to say. How come we, as humans, are not listening to each other? This becomes only more tragic when blood is spilled because of this.

If religion can only lead to contention and strife, then it's not worth it. I don't believe that religion inevitably leads to conflict. There is the possibility for peace between religions, but only when each person values another's religion as much as they value their own. In fact, you have to believe that they are as justified and as correct as you are before you can claim to be giving their religion proper and fair treatment. If you fail to do this, you are tarnishing your religion, and should take your failings elsewhere. Though you can't succeed at this immediately, the effort needs to be present. If you're not even trying, then you are failing to love other people like your God loves you. In order to be worthy of the God within and the God who made us, you have to be willing to love your neighbor and his beliefs more than your own. Until then, we will be nothing other than failures to the godliness that God instilled in us.

I personally do not believe in an antropomorphized version of God. I don't believe it's impossible, I just don't hold it is a belief in my personal life. I relied too much on God as an agent in my life, when I am supposed to be my own agent for action. God is meant to be a source of strength, not a being to give you what you want or fix your life for you. Part of our free will is the ability to make our own choices and do our own actions. No God who truly wants us to grow up could ever live our lives for us. That would be a kind of death for us, and God wanted us to have life. I relied on and prayed too much to the human God. That was a personal failing. I imagine God more as the total sum of all possibilities, the whole of reality made manifest. The concept of a conscious God is no longer present in my thought processes. Consciousness was too limited, and God is eternal. I personally subscribe more to the idea that God is everything, except I don't call it God, I call it eternity or reality, and I don't worship it. I feel blessed to be a part of the ceaseless process of reality, but I will live my life without the expectation of someone coming to save me (that was a personal fault by the way).

Anyways, the next time you feel compelled to engage in a religious debate, trying to prove whose conception of God is the best, remember that you're likely causing more problems than good. God needs no champion; he's God. His existence and power are not belittled or weakened by people disbelieving, so no matter what your views are about the objective truth about God, remember that fighting over it is pointless. If your God is truly God, he will remain God no matter what you do. Make yourself worthy of that God by spreading the only thing that a good God could truly want: peace and love (and peace and love does not mean spreading your religion, it means spreading the good of humanity). Once you have achieved that, then you have found the God within, and will then see the God without. If you value the future of humanity, please, please make this your most important of goals. If this is not achieved, many people will continue to die needlessly, and each time, God or our humanity will die a little.		  
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Hume   
09:52pm 11/04/2006
 
mood: tired
Though it's possible that she'll send me questions tonight or tomorrow or request one last study sessions, my crash course on Hume for the purpose of tutoring is over. I can't help but feel a little drained from the effort though, as researching and learning all of that information was extremely taxing. Still, I now know that material really well, I have the resource binder I compiled (which she's now studying out of), and I have actually tutored somebody for the first time. From here on, I'm confident I can tutor in the future, and will seize every opportunity to do so. Anyways, I'm burnt out, but I still have a ways to go. Now I can begin work on PHIL 311, PHIL 300, and PHIL 218. Hooray.		  
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My Schedule   
02:09am 10/04/2006
 
mood: tired
Ah, what a busy schedule we all have. Here's mine (just for Monday):

-GISAT 113 (11:15-12:05)
-Lunch
-PHIL 311 (1:25-2:15)
-read for epistemology
-PHIL 300 (3:35-4:50)
-errands (run to bank, printing at Honors Lab)
-Off campus devo (5:55-?)
-Tutoring w/ a GPHIL student (7:30-?)
-writing REL 201 paper due Tuesday
-read at least 2 chapters from "Existence of God"
-read and study more Hume
-do some bulletin board work
-die of exhaustion

I think I forgot to write dinner into there. I'll have to figure out when that is...		  
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Another Goal   
08:40pm 06/04/2006
 
mood: accomplished
For whatever reason, the idea came to me today, and it's so ambitious it can't help but be a bit absurd (not to mention challenging). Still, I know that I have to try to write this at one point, because it ties in too much with some of my general ideas and eventual teachings. Also, try not to laugh, because typed like this, my idea may sound significantly worse than it really is. Talk to me and I'll explain more (hahaha, talk to me about an idea, crap that's funny, because I bore people to tears in that respect...)

Anyways, it's something like this. Major complaints against the Bible today usually have some kind of general theme, many of which revolve around either historical discrepancies (because people take it too literally) or theological discrepancies (because people forget that the Bible was written and compiled by countless people over hundreds years, much of it passed down orally, and thus represents such a massive hodgepodge of views that expecting consistency out of it is absurd). So, I want to do the Bible justice, not so much to save or revive any religion, but because the debate over it needs to stop, and a greater appreciation for it as a great literary work needs to be developed. The Qu'ran is less narrative, so it would be hard to do something like this (Muslims believe in the OT though) and the Hindus don't have great controversies over their sacred texts (and nobody gives a damn about the other religions anyways).

Basically, I want to start with Genesis and work my way up through Biblical (not veridical) history, retelling the stories from a more realistic and meaningful (from a modern point of view) perspective. I'm going to remove the literal deity element so that the stories can be appreciated from a semi-scientific standpoint and with a symbolism that is not so Judeo-Christian. In short, I want to make the stories more relevant to a general audience, with a greater amount of realism (which is important given the rise of secularism and science). I'm going to translate the Bible stories and their symbolism into a relatively believable (if not stretched) plot.

This is a long undertaking, and getting something like this published could either be easy or an extreme challenge. There's also a ton of research and knowledge I need to acquire before I can even begin to tackle some of the stories. Either way, this idea was too important for me to abandon, partially because it ties in so wonderfully with the goals and themes of my Second Coming series. So yes, this is as ambitious as my Kylis Fers series, but I think it's almost equally important (at least for cultural reasons). You can mock my ideas if you want, but in my potentially insane mind, there is something to be said for the underlying importance of some of my ideas. Whatever. Good night.		  
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Random things   
01:40am 04/04/2006
 
mood: awake
I've determined some random things I must do between now and graduation:

-tutor PHIL students whenever possible
-hold some kind of supervisor position somewhere (hopefully the Busch Gardens thing will work out)
-do an independent study w/ some kind of sociology/religion/phil. project involved
-do multiple honors options classes
-take at least 42 PHIL credits (meaning 24 more after this semester)
-get involved in the PHIL dept. in random ways when possible
-actually do more than an hour of homework a week (maybe 2-3 next year instead)
-do a summer session next summer
-overhaul my GPA (as hard as it may be, I should shoot for a 3.6)
-ingratiate myself with some professors (I haven't done nearly enough of this)
-read, a LOT, both for classes and independent reasons (esp. during the summer, read PHIL articles)
-assess current PHIL community, begin to target hot issues
-try to get published in something somewhere (even if it's something small)
-study multiple topics in freetime (to include topical studies of world religions, history, random science)
-work on finalizing enough of my ideas to at least begin true work on my first book
-figure out some extracurricular activity (preferably a beneficial one)
-work my ass off on my job next year
-stop being a social recluse, work on social skills
-draw up a contingency plan in case everything fails		  
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Long Blog Entry Part 2   
10:23pm 03/04/2006
 
mood: calm
Yes, this is the second half of the blog entry I posted here on LJ. It's actually a bit shorter than the first half (I think). Bear in mind these are meant to be read as one whole entry rather than two separate ones. Oh, and to make sure my soul doesn't burn in hell, I'm sorry this is so long. Anyways...

Kylisfers2083 Blog Entry 03 30 2006 Part 2:

"The blame game is an effort in extreme futility, and humanity has wasted countless millennia and energy in trying to cover their own shame while trying to expose other peoples'. This has in time become more than just an impediment to progress; it is now the infection that threatens to set the body against itself and cause humanity to destroy itself. We value our perspectives over other peoples' while completely ignoring them.

Do you think I'm wrong? I'm not one to usually be this aggressive, but I'm sorry. In this case, I am right, 100%. Consider that some of the people we hate the most in life are the ones who most make us recognize the flaws we try to hide. Consider that people who truly love us tell us the good and the bad we do, but half the time we fail to realize this and instead hate them or direct anger at them daring to imply that we were anything less than perfect. Consider that every time we make mistakes, we usually blame everyone except the agent of our actions: ourselves. Consider that we never accept the possibility that somebody other than us can ever truly be right on anything of importance. Consider that some of the most hated people in history are those who have tried too hard to make people think (shatter their veil of ignorance) and make them accept the bad that comes from their actions (think Jesus, think Gandhi, think many different people).

Seriously consider all of those things, and don't half-ass them. It may be painful for your ego, but if humanity is to have any hope at this point, we all may have to sacrifice parts of our ego. After all, our egos are just manifestations of the general human pattern, and when we value our ego over humanity, we are belittling the foundation upon which our being is built. Egos form islands to decay in the ocean, people join into continents that build mountains to reach the heavens. Humanity was never built by the individual, it was built by the humans. At a global scale, we are currently rejecting the humanity of other humans, and not counting them as our equals, be it at a social level, an intellectual level, a spiritual level, or any level. Do we really ever give as much thought to other peoples' views as we do to ourselves? Sadly, I think not (we're all guilty of this).

Now is the time at which you make the choice. We can continue marching humanity backwards from its fortuitous beginnings and back into the abyss. Bear in mind that this backward march will be bloody, with the blood of millions of people shed all for the sake of human stupidity, pride, and ego. This problem embodies the full weight of the chaos theory; a butterfly (human stupidity, pride, and ego) flaps its wings, and somewhere sometime later, a tidal wave crashes upon the shores of humanity, tearing it asunder. We cannot always see the cause of things, but if you look around you, you will see that this is one effect we can see coming. 2+2=4, and human ego + human stupidity = eventual destruction.

It's hard to know how much time we have left, and if serious pain can actually be averted. I know this sounds pessimistic, but it's true, if you really think about it. I can't make this decision, I'm just one human. As humans, we need to make this decision. If you value a future where humans may live in happiness, where we can reach into the universe and pursue our cosmic destiny, then you must act, and you must act now. I'm not telling you to go do social work. In reality, much of that stuff rarely "changes the world." I'm telling you to put your ego in line, admit your failings, expose your failings, and always treat others as if they are equal to you. While this may not seem like much, and may seem too insignificant to make even a dent in the greater problem, remember the little butterfly who, in flapping his/her wings, caused a tidal wave."		  
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Long Blog Entry Part 1   
01:15am 03/04/2006
 
mood: calm
I wrote this entry for my blog some nights ago. It's pretty long, so I divided up into 2 parts. I'll post the second part tomorrow or the day thereafter. Not that it really matters, since any entry longer than 2 sentences is usually too much of a strain on the human attention span. The topic is important, but I don't expect it to be read. Either way, have a great day, see you all later. Glad that I'm consuming massive space on your Friends' entry list. Bye.

Thursday, March 30, 2006
The Real Issue: You Must Decide Now

I talk a lot about random topics that concern me, ranging from the nature of death to cosmic eternity. In all of this, you're probably asking yourself what the point of it all is, and you'd be right in asking. Philosophy for the pure sake of philosophy is not very useful or interesting (except to those who just love philosophy). Though many of my writings have been of that nature (discussing philosophical concepts for the sake of discussing philosophical concepts), there is an underlying goal I have in mind, and it begins in small steps.

I like to imagine that I look at the big picture of things. I've never been one to care overly much about most short-term things, usually looking at a general picture of the world when I deal with things. As I learn more and more each day and try to understand the world around me, the very obvious but disconcerting truth becomes evident: our world stands on the brink, and without effort, we will all be torn asunder.

Humanity has always been humanity, but leaps and bounds in human technology, the rise of globalization, and an unprecedented amount of interaction between different cultures that don't treat each other like human beings has put us at a pivotal point in history. Trust me when I say that I am not the only one to hold this view.

It is easy to blame millennia of growing tensions around the world on religion. At surface, this seems to be a fair assessment. After all, many of the problems today can be traced back to actions done by the massive Christian and Muslim powers throughout the last 2000 years. In some places, their damage has been almost irreparable. Empires were formed and people were subjugated, killed, and compelled against their will all in the name of religion. For the most part, it was Muslims and Christians who instigated all of this, and much of the blame rests with them.

Just blaming religion though is to easy and actually unfair. Moreover, blaming religion allows many people of low caliber to take the easy way out and abandon or chastise religion (and then praise their lack of religion as a sign that they're enlightened or some nonsense like that). No, religion itself is not to blame, for religion is merely the grand manifestation of humanity at a large and usually social level. A person cannot merely run from religion just because of its failings and be considered clean. Humans are to blame, not religion. After all, there are no ugly religions, just ugly people who practice them.

As clichéd as it may sound, there is no truer statement: given the political, religious and social climate around the world, war is inevitable with current conditions. As people, we have all failed to consider the humanity of others. We create barriers around our beliefs and egos, taunting, ridiculing and occasionally even attacking those outside of our self-created walls. This madness, though possibly the result of some general pattern in the evolution of humans to consciousness played out, cannot be allowed to continue. I don't know about you, but I don't want the world to take a drastic turn at one of the potential high points in its duration.

In the next 500 years, humans will hopefully make the true leap to space. While the lunar landing was impressive, it did not establish much of true lasting significance. When humans begin living off of earth, when the first human is born in space or on extraterrestrial soil, humanity will have made one of its greatest leaps. With the consciousness and intelligence we possess, we have star bound potential. If the vast pool of human potential is even remotely tapped, then we can one day leap out into the stars, spreading across the galaxy, and maybe one day, we'll even cross the great seas betweens galaxies, the great oceans between galactic clusters. While much of this is in the future (however possibly distant), what happens now will of course have an important effect on our future (and our next great evolution as a species).

Consider this: much of human energy today is spent on bickering and on destruction. Western society (more specifically at the moment, American society) is trying to perfect the art of war. Billions, possibly even trillions of dollars a year are spent on developing technologies for war. Although war technologies usually mark great leaps in general human technology, we are at a point where we can better use our resources for other things. Think even more about how much time and effort are wasted on what really amount to insignificant cultural differences between people who are more similar than they think. The Christians and the Muslims continue to kill each other, even though their values and beliefs are actually quite similar (though neither side would admit that because they would consider that an insult, another sign that we don't value people who are different from us).

Underlying this unwillingness to empathize with other people and try to understand things from their perspective is the failure of virtually every human to not take responsibility for their mistakes. This is a human universal that none of us transcend. Look all around you. Notice how people will quickly blame, despise, and punish others for not taking responsibility for their actions, but we will be the first to hide from our own failings and deny our involvement in their creation. Every time we do this, humanity takes a step backwards, going ever closer to the precipice of obscurity. Too many more steps and we'll all fall in.		  
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And so it begins, the end of time, sung to this so contemptible rhyme   
10:36pm 30/03/2006
 
mood: indifferent
Three nights of duty will be my occupation for the next 3 days. I can't complain much though, as it's more of just a nuisance and not really bad. Besides, it's not like I can claim I have much better to do (though I wish I could be free to celebrate Michelle's birthday, though I'm sure that'll go fine irregardless). Also: Knorpp told me that he just didn't have time to review my paper, which is fine, since I didn't give him a week to do it like he asked us to. This means that I need to begin my own revisions, done under my own scrutiny. I think that if I seriously applied myself to the revisions and tried to edit out all redundant and awkward phrases, I might stand a chance of a high C (or not...). Here's to hoping that Knorpp doesn't rip apart this paper, as I put as much sincere thought in the paper as I possibly could (I even got in my mind draining philosophy mode, and yes, I'm a loser). In the meantime, best of wishes to everyone as they try to survive, endure, and possibly conquer all their problems and obstacles. Good night.		  
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Random Ramblings Randomly Randomized, But Not Really   
12:42am 29/03/2006
 
mood: calm
Though I normally reserve entries now for the beastly blog entries I write for my kylisfers2083 blog (at blogger.com), I felt like taking a momentary detour from my epistemology paper to write a bit. Doing so helps me refocus a bit, as it can be draining for me to work and think from a certain mindset for extended periods of time.

I napped earlier for almost an hour, and shortly thereafter I lay in a state of quasi-awakeness that though it felt like it lasted 10 minutes or more, only really lasted about 2 minutes. Getting up, I didn't feel rejuvenated, nor did I feel energized or motivated or tired. I didn't really feel much of anything. My task was clear (because I established my purpose for the night yesterday), and that was really the only underlying thought moving through my mind.

I'm definitely spastic and I usually have a short attention span for things that don't hold a significant amount of interest for me. Though my interest in things like epistemology can be strong some moments (like it is now because every bit of my cognitive processes are grappling with the topic), they are usually weak due to my general lack of significant interest in things that I don't perceive to have any real long term benefit. There is some important info. to be obtained from epistemology, but excruciating studies in will probably not yield much of benefit to all but the most dedicated philosophers.

As much as I hate to admit, I am a philosophy major. Though my eventual goal is studying and gaining some kind of mastery over a small number of disciplines and weaving them together to create the actual kinds of studies, endeavors, and classes I would actually want to pursue and teach, I will always be a philosopher at heart. I will never be, however, a philosopher who is purely theoretical. My theories must have a tangible purpose, and if I can't connect my philosophical thought processes with any significant human interest or need, then the utility and thus interest in it fade, at least for me. Philosophy for the sake of philosophy only benefits philosophers; but philosophy for the sake of humanity has potential benefits. The philosophical community needs to redirect its focus (with this kind of an attitude, it's easy to see why I will have no friends or supporters in the philosophical community) towards issues of import, not often abstract theories that hold no possession in the minds of people.

With all of that said, my diversion a success, I must return to my epistemology paper, forging the vessel of my salvation, with the hopes that it will rescue me from the academic apocalyse that this class may unleash upon my academic endeavors. Good nighttt...		  
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Kylisfers2083 Blog Entry: Imagery, Feedback, and Literary Excess   
01:13am 27/03/2006
 
mood: tired
"A cosmic wind blew at my face, roaring with its unrequited metaphysical fury. For a moment I stood in awe as transcendent storm clouds drifted overhead, dropping raindrops of meaning upon my soul. Then I realized that through my random metaphors, I was being a conspiring non-metaphorical jackass. Weird."

I be a jerk, and a jerk be I (I'm the asshole who wrote that quote and posted it in his profile). When a writer uses extreme and excessive metaphors and imagery for no reason other than that they just feel like using them, it's usually indicative of a crappy piece of literature. Literary devices such as those can enhance a writing, but when used in the excess with no clear objective or purpose, they become a hindrance that can ruin an otherwise perfectly good writing. I mention this because I read a newspaper article in my college's paper last week, and the writer used some metaphor about Alice in Wonderland so much and so poorly that it made her article even crappier than it already was.

I know that I am sometimes guilty of this in my writings. My use of random metaphor and imagery is not lost on me, and though I think I use it fairly, well, there is no real way for me to discern with any accuracy whether it's good or bad (mostly because I never get any feedback). I wish that I knew if I was a good writer, because it is integral to my plans for the future that I have some amount of talent with writing. The brand of teaching and work I will do requires a heavy use of skilled and incisive writings with the specific purpose of targeting certain ideological problems in society and provoking thought about that problem. Writing will be pivotal, and if I'm a terrible writer, then I better start looking for new alternatives.

It's painful sometimes because I get no feedback about anything I write. My Kylis Fers ideas used to get a fair amount of feedback, though that was because when I was in Virginia Beach and Michigan, I had people who were actually interested in what I had to say. Since getting to college, I am unsurprisedly lacking that crucial conversation dynamic with regards to my ideas, so I lack both criticism and feedback. It's hard to be in the dark about one of your most important skills.

I've never had teachers give me real feedback about my writings. Most of my writing teachers were more or less indifferent to me, or never gave real commentary on students' writings in general. At least in high school though I had a constant source of feedback and criticism, though now I'm fumbling around in the dark with regards to where I am with my ideas. I hate it, because I'm in desperate need of sharing my ideas with people, but deep down I know that nobody I know now gives a damn, and I can't really expect them to either.

It's an unfortunate circumstance that I am unable to get any feedback from people, but I guess if I were a talented enough writer, I'd be getting more real feedback. With that logic, it seems like I might have my answer. Some works are so bad that they merit no feedback whatsoever, be it good or bad. Unfortunately, that could be the case for me at this point in time. Then again, maybe I'm just in a temporary darkness, one that could last for a few months or a few more years. Either way, since you're not reading this, it doesn't really matter. I'll write to you all later, and I hope that you all have a great day/night."		  
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